Ugh!

Yes, that about sums it up. Wait, maybe not - a good scream would do oh so much better. Le Sigh...

During a time where I should be happy and hustling and bustling with the upcoming birthday party and upcoming holiday, instead I am feeling like I'm about to go over the cliff at any moment. I've been holding on but my fingers are slipping. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I've always been the strong one. I could pretty much tackle any situation given to me - Lord knows there's been plenty of them. But this one, this time, well, I am about to admit defeat! That little white flag is about to be pulled out of my pocket and surrendering because I just don't think I can take anymore.

Brother Bear's situation has just gotten even more serious. I didn't even think that was possible. He's somehow managed to put him self in such a jam right now and in all honesty, it's not looking good. Unfortunately, I cannot devuldge too much information on here - it's the internet after all. But let's just say I may not see Brother Bear for a very long time. This saddens me more than you will ever know. Brother Bear and I are very, very close. I'm the oldest of five. I have two brothers and two sisters. Out of them all, Brother Bear is the one that we have always been the closest with. Heck, we look like twins. bwahaha! We've managed to hire someone to help his situation. We've also managed to have an appointment tomorrow in hopes to elevate some of the stress/problem and well, hopefully getting good news enough that we can bring him home! Gosh, I want him home. He doesn't belong there. He belongs home.

What's even worse is this is just the beginning of what I see to be a very stressful and worrying time. How long of a time, I have no clue. I would like to Hope and Pray that it will be a short lived situation - if it is not, I will Fall. I will Crumble. I will be so devasted and crushed that I will not know what to do or how to handle it.

I do not know how I'm even handling it right now. Truth be told, I'm a walking zombie. Trying to put on a happy face and keep it all together - for me. for my family. But how does one do that? especially when a Little Bear's Birthday Party is this Saturday and of course the Holidays just a few short weeks away. How? It's so hard! I mediate. I breathe. I pray. And yet I still struggle to hang on. I'm a fragile egg, waiting to crack. An egg that could crack any minute. But who's going to catch me when I fall? Noone because I cannot fall. I have a family that is looking up to me. depending on me. Le Sigh...

God, Please Grant Me the Serenity to make it through this. Watch over my brother, my family and me. Please help us to remain strong and have Faith. And whatever you do, PLEASE watch over my Brother. I love him more than anyone will ever know. If anything should happen to him....gosh, I just wouldnt know what would happen of me. :*-( I will crumble. I will fall. I will have lost all faith, hope and strength.